OK, maybe I should not admit this, but I live a completely different life in my head. OK, in the physical world, I drag my worn carcass out of bed and go through the motions of the day. I hide my grief and depression behind the appropriate smiles and conversation.
But – in my head – my life is completely different. I carry on conversations with people, saying what I really want to say in the physical world – but cannot. What can I say, I like living indoors and cashing my paycheck. But in my head, I really give people what for! In my head, I grieve out loud – I hide nothing. I scream and sob – in my head.
In my head, I am not the old, worn, gray haired woman in the mirror. In my head, I am still MOM.
GatherStones 
And you will always be MOM 🙂 Just now a Mom who howls in outrage and pain…
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Thank you so much, your comment really touched me – to know others understand
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You are not alone – it helps to know that 🙂
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I understand the “in my head” conversations! One thing that has helped me is… If you start doing something mathematical like 1+1=2, 2+2=4… It forces you to switch to a different part of your brain. It helps with the wanting to scream! It has helped me and I hope it may help you? Losing a child is such a loss but you will alway be a MOM… I feel your pain 😦
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Thank you for such a kind comment. Yes, I will try the mathematical equation
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