For me, on my grief journey – I feel grief is like quicksand. There are times, I feel like I am beginning to come out of the heavy, dark, painful weight of the grief. I feel like I can smile and maybe get excited about a craft project or event.
Then BAM!!! It sucks me right back down. This weekend was one of those mired in the quicksand weekends. I didn’t answer the phone when people called. I didn’t even go into my craft room. I didn’t read. I just didn’t.
My husband was having the same experience so we just wallowed on the couch together. We talked. We shared. We hurt. We raged. We remembered. We cried. We grew closer.
I wailed and yelled at the world, and cried out to GOD – I begged and pleaded for forgiveness and grace. I looked at photos and drenched each one with fresh tears. I let myself sink. My husband let himself sink too. We just held each other at the bottom of the quicksand. Our dogs curled up with us too. What an odd little “PACK” we are – but we support one another.
Maybe, the quicksand periods are necessary and useful – my body needed rest. My marriage needed work. The pain is still there – always will be. But at least, today, my head is above the quicksand. I may not return any phone calls. But I am up, showered, at work, and fake smiling – so that is a start.