Going around the same mountain

The Israelites spent 40 years going around and around – I get that.

I feel like I am going around and around the same mountain, and I just can’t get it right.

The same demons keep cropping up – so around I go, making another trip.

I cannot stop a loved one’s addictive behavior. I cannot make the outcome different – so what I am failing to learn?

I see the train wreck down the line, but what don’t I see? Should I just get out of the way and refuse to be collateral damage again?

What about compassion and forgiveness and responsibility and commitment?

Sometimes, I just drop to my knees and ask GOD, how broken do I need to be?

Where is the line? Strong people break too.

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7 thoughts on “Going around the same mountain

  1. Thank you for this honest admission. I, too, am going around my own same mountain. It’s a lonely place to be in. All we can do when circumstances don’t change is pray for the grace to survive–again! God bless you and strengthen you.

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  2. I can relate to this. When the same challenges keep coming up, I like to think I’m learning the same lesson at a deeper level. It’s so hard when it seems all you can do is watch, wondering whether to intervene, when to step back…. But we can always pray, and God can work miracles. Funny how I still have trouble remembering to trust the timing for those I love. Do remember to take good care of you!

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  3. My dear friends. God can give you help and strength. But sometimes you are the instrument he uses to make things happen in your own life. You may not be able to make things happen now but read, listen to people telling you he’s not treating you right. If your minister tells you it’s your fault, find another minister. Please get help. Life is too important to spend in pain that can be stopped. Think of the damage to your kids. I was like you once. I thought I could balance the negative effects of my husband’s abuse on me, for our child. There is nothing that you can do to lessen that. My adult son and I have PTSD. He has it worse than I do. I am getting better after 8 years. You are precious and worthy of a good life, just like your children. Please get out get help. Time will wear you down to nothing. I was patient and understanding and excused all of his tantrums. It only got worse. Yes, I prayed for him and us. But finally I realized I had to do something. I started standing up for myself. He had badly controlled diabetes, then a stroke. He survived and recovered but died at 59 from severe obesity and heart failure. I couldn’t leave him once he was sick. But our son was old enough to move out of the house and did. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did. You deserve to be happy. I do not blame God. I am a Christian and have been since my teens. God may be telling you that you have to make things change. Please look up Domestic Violence or Abuse and find places that offer help. I was patient too. I thought I was getting stronger and I did after valuing the life Good gave me and learning to love myself. I hope this helps someone.I care. There are also groups on Facebook you can find if you search the above topics. You can find support there too.

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    • Thank you – My heart is with you and your son. I have given your response a great deal of thought and it has helped. Just because he goes around the mountain, does not mean I have to make the trip with him. Although I love him and there is SO much good in him and I will always be here for him, but this time he is going to have to go around and come back to me. I will not go around again. These are his demons, not mine. I have to face my own and I grateful for loving people like you – who care enough to share their pain. I believe GOD is using you to guide others, guide me.

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      • You have blessed me with your words! The main reason I write about these memories is to help someone or as many as possible be aware of how wonderful they are and that they should not allow themselves to get pulled down and hurt. You are in power of your life now. With God’s help, you can do this! You helped me see that I am really helping others who are in similar situations to the one I had. You have given me so much encouragement to keep sharing. Thank you!!! God bless you.

        Liked by 1 person

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