Self critic – a bully and a victim

Do you ever stop and think about how many mean things you say to yourself everyday. If I had a dollar for every time I called myself fat or stupid, I would be able to pay cash for that Alpha Romeo I want. I would never treat my friends that way – I love them. Today, in just the last hour, I called myself a fat cow, an idiot, a dummy, and a few other words I should not write here. Wow. When I look at these words written in front of me – I see a bully and a victim – and they are both me!

Why do I do that? I blame myself for my son’s illness. I blame myself for my husband’s issues. I criticize myself when the house isn’t spotless or the dinner isn’t perfect. How do I stop?

I do so many things I don’t want to do.

I don’t want to pretend I am OK when I am not.

I don’t want to bully me.

I don’t even want to eat these cookies.

STOP!!!

I need to get back outside. Back in the saddle. Back in the garden.

For now, I am putting away the vacuum cleaner – AND the cookies, and heading off to my craft room with my Charlie dog.

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3 thoughts on “Self critic – a bully and a victim

  1. Words are so powerful. We can totally tear ourselves down with them. But there are ways to change what we think. It’s like creating a new pathway in our brains. Changing what we say to ourselves isn’t easy, but it is possible. I have to catch myself when I am my own personal bully. But I have found the more I try to re-train my brain, the easier it becomes to say the positive reinforcements verse the negative commentary. Writing is one outlet that I have found as a release. Writing down in my journal three things that I am grateful for has been uplifting. I try to think of three in the morning after I wake up and then three at night before bed. Focusing on the beautiful things we have in our lives helps to keep the bully inside us at bay.

    Liked by 1 person

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