I am a Horse-a-chondriac 

The upcoming solar eclipse is an exciting event – but I cannot help but worry about my horses and outdoor pets.  Is that silly?  Should I be concerned?

I can keep my house dogs in the house, I will just shut the dog door.

I think Gertie Goose is nearly blind already, so no worries for her.  I think Flip Flop Kitty will be OK.

But what about my red mares?  I know they are little stinkers, but they are my little stinkers and I love them.

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Strolling with the Ghosts

If you do not know by now, I am a country bumpkin.  I was born in the country and that is where I belong.  I love being in the country – and I am definitely not a city dweller.  Traffic, people, noise, bustling about – not for me.  I would rather be on a tractor than an expressway.  My visits to the city are rare and only when I simply MUST.

Because I love my job and, well, frankly, I like paying the mortgage – I obeyed a supervisor command to “Go to the city”.  So here I am, back in Richmond, VA today.  I parked in a central parking deck and decided to walk to my meeting.  I walked by VCU/MCV Medical Center and it hit me like a lightning bolt.

So many ghosts here – both young and old.

When my son was just a little boy, he was so very ill.  He was here at this very medical center so many times.  While strolling with the ghosts, I stopped on a street corner where my son and I shared a hot dog and a soda, awaiting test results.  I can picture his little face, looking up at me – questions I just couldn’t answer.

I strolled along a little farther to the entrance of the Medical Center and I stopped to recall several visits.  Sometimes we came out crying.  Sometimes we came out smiling.

I saw young college students wearing their VCU gear, and I flashed forward to my son in college at VCU.  He walked down these streets, through these doors as a very sick little boy – and then again as an adult – a young college student full of promise and dreams.

VCU launched his career – he became a great doctor.  Many people are alive today because he was there to help them.   He bravely participated in helicopter rescue and on scene emergencies.  Yes, that gives me comfort – but, I am ashamed to admit – sometimes it makes me angry.  Why couldn’t some one help him?  I stop myself.  I try to disrupt those negative thoughts as quickly as I can.  I cannot go there – not now.  Not while I stroll among the ghosts.

I think I will walk past his first dorm building, and maybe take the longer stroll to his first apartment building.  Torture?  Yes.  Healing journey?  I pray so.

BatCrapCrazy

Have you ever had to deal with someone you could ONLY describe as BatCrapCrazy?  This person is SO negative – the nasty attitude suffocates every positive ion in the room.  While in a room with 8 people, we were all happily brainstorming – working through ideas, treating one another with courtesy and respect.  It was a very positive event.  Even if an idea was not accepted, it was not arbitrarily rejected.  Each person had a voice and we were covering ground.  We were really making progress and everyone was able to feel like a contributor.

Then, BatCrapCrazy arrives using the tongue as a vicious weapon, with impunity.  The remarks were so hurtful, creativity was stifled.  Dialogue shutdown.  Progress – DEAD!

I have a raging migraine and my acid reflux is reaching the solar hotspot zone – after just one hour.

You know the really sad part?  I feel very sorry for BCC.  This is a good person, a smart person – trapped underneath all that hateful negativity.  This person does not see the rubble left in the wake – and I am sure does not hurt people intentionally.  I wish I knew how to help.  It must be so sad in BCC world.

Had to pull over

Just driving when Smoke Robinson came on the radio with “Tears of a Clown”.

Now they’re some sad things known to man

But ain’t too much sadder than

The tears of a clown when there’s no one around”

I felt like he was singing to me and I just had to pull over.  I just finished a presentation for work, a group of about 15.   It went very well.  Everyone laughed and complimented when the presentation was over – I was professional and effective.  I made them laugh.  I played the clown.  Now, I am in the car on the side of the road, crying.  But it’s OK, I needed this cry – and I am going to wipe off my face and drive on.

This time, Charlie WAS a working dog

We desperately needed the rain here in Virginia, and I was glad to see it.  But, after every storm there are fences to be checked, branches and debris to cleanup.  This is when Charlie dons his working harness and pulls a small wagon.  He sits anxiously awaiting my call:  “Let’s go to work”!!  We walk the fence line together.  I gather up the fallen limbs while he hauls the little wagon.  He is a huge help.IMG_4035

Of course, after a  hard day at work, there is nothing like an afternoon nap.  Notice the “Farm Dog” collar?  Well earned, fine Charlie, well earned – a label of love and honor!!  I couldn’t make it without you!!  God Bless Farm Dogs!!!

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Dreamer of Dreams – Frozen

I always considered myself a dreamer of dreams – willing to try new things, to step outside my comfort zone and “make” changes.  Before the darkness came, I had so many dreams, things we were going to do.  Then everything shattered.

Now I seem to be frozen – stagnant.  I am not happy in my current state, I have dreams of change, but I don’t seem to be able to put any action to them.

I talk about my exciting “business idea” and I live that life in my head – but that is all I do. I know I need to make some changes – I can’t stay here in the dark – but I am struggling.

When I was in basic training at Fort Jackson way back in 79, (Yes, I am a veteran – US Army) I remember we would finish our forced Marches by climbing a hill we lovingly dubbed “Drag Ass Hill”.  It was steep and sand!  For every step forward, you would slide half way back.  It took dogged perseverance to get up that hill, and a drill sergeant chomping at my heals, but I made it.

Now, I feel like I am on Drag Ass Hill, without the youth and strength and motivation to keep climbing.

But, I need to suck it up – and take a step.  Just a step – GOD, I need a push!!

 

Working like a dog?

Thanks to the miracle of coffee, I dragged my ragged, worn carcass out of bed this morning to do farm chores and then head off to work.  My husband sleepily praised me “Honey, you work like a dog!”   Hmmm!  Really?  I am heading off to muck stalls and Charlie is sleeping late.  But look at that sweet face!!!IMG_4096

Rocky in the Clouds

Last year, our dear Rocky crossed over rainbow bridge.  Rocky was such a sweet, scruffy mutt. As a wee pup, some wicked soul threw him from a moving vehicle.  We were happy to rescue him and fortunate to have him for 11 years.

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Today, as everyday, I was missing my son so much – and look – a doggie cloud!!  Rocky came to lift  my spirits!!

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Can anyone help me find the poem about the crows?

I heard this poem about a million years ago when I was in high school.  I have searched the internet but cannot find it.  I believe it was called the Fabled Crows??

I am pulling this from memory, so I know it is garbled – but at least this is the gist of what I can recall:

The fabled crows watched five hunters go behind

And three depart from one stark hunter’s blind

And flew down from all the neighboring trees

So were blasted

Truth is what one sees

Consequence is what one fails to see