Do you ever stop and think about how many mean things you say to yourself everyday. If I had a dollar for every time I called myself fat or stupid, I would be able to pay cash for that Alpha Romeo I want. I would never treat my friends that way – I love them. Today, in just the last hour, I called myself a fat cow, an idiot, a dummy, and a few other words I should not write here. Wow. When I look at these words written in front of me – I see a bully and a victim – and they are both me!
Why do I do that? I blame myself for my son’s illness. I blame myself for my husband’s issues. I criticize myself when the house isn’t spotless or the dinner isn’t perfect. How do I stop?
I do so many things I don’t want to do.
I don’t want to pretend I am OK when I am not.
I don’t want to bully me.
I don’t even want to eat these cookies.
I need to get back outside. Back in the saddle. Back in the garden.
For now, I am putting away the vacuum cleaner – AND the cookies, and heading off to my craft room with my Charlie dog.